Cats.
What can I say about cats that haven’t already been said or recorded (thanks YouTube).
Well, they’re crazy. Tee Totally crazy.
Have you met a cat that isn’t? Well, kind sir or ma’am or whatever you go by (shew, how did this get so political all of a sudden),,,,… You there, that said you’ve met a sane cat, I’d like to shake your hand (well, elbow bump with our masks on, or um… how about a far away imaginary high five instead).
Simply because I have been around cats most of my life and have yet met one that isn’t some kind of crazy. They are crazy mean, vindictive little creatures, and yet we still think that we are the masters while they are the pets. I mean, we feed them, pet them (with their permission), even clean up after their nasty bathroom trips, yet we ARE the masters? Hummmm.
I mean, one minute they are all fine, quiet and nice then before you know it, they’re jumping around all crazy like their life depended on it, at some kind of invisible something or another while freaking everyone out.
Have you ever sat down next to a cat and started petting it when YOU were available to pet them. HAHAHAHA…yeah, no just no. It does not work that way.
First of all, a cat must come to you. Acknowledge your existence, show you that it wants to be petted on their terms by rubbing up against you. Then and only then will the cat very cautiously grant permission to be petted. Only for a limited time (not known to you or any living creature), albeit when the allotted time is up they will rapidly and violently change their mind with no warning whatsoever. Which will more than likely result in you being bitten and/or scratched.
Are you wondering, hum, how can I get this elusive and somewhat finicky creature to allow me to pet them? Well, my friend, lucky you, I've gathered my great wisdom to lend you some advice to those brave enough to try. Here are some tried and sometimes, but not always, ways to get a cat to come to you.
1) Got to become an actor. While in the same room as a cat you must act like you don’t see the cat (it's invisible, ignore it as much as possible) and become so very invested in something else for example getting a laptop out and sitting it on your lap, sometimes reading a paper or a book will work. That’s a big game changer there, you must pay total attention to whatever activity you are doing. Laptops work the best. They are bound and determined to prevent you from typing anything on a laptop. I think they have some phobia to it. Maybe they don’t want us watching all those other cat videos on the internet. Humm.
2) You can get a very complex, interesting jigsaw puzzle or board game started on a table. Must clear the table of everything but the puzzle or game. Again be very tentative to the project. The cat will jump onto the table, knowingly knock pieces into the floor, cause chaos and DEMAND your attention.
3) Last but not by far the least (in fact it’s the ONLY way I can get my cats to come to me most days, nothing is 100% effective with cats). (I say while frowning, sigh). Get a treat bag and rattle it. Rattle that treat bag like your life depended on it. Cats will come running from all corners, just from everywhere. Disclaimer:!!! Be careful with this tip though, you may end up with more cats than you started with or bargained for!!!
So, now that we have the cat in our vicinity, how can we pet them, you say? WHAT, DO YOU HAVE A DEATH WISH? Okay, okay, calm down, I understand, I understand breathe. Those cuties wuties get us with their big eyes and soft fur every time, tricky little boogers aren't they.
Ah, sounds simple enough you think....ohhh lol, you poor delusional person. Unfortunately that is not so, because cats are well, like I said earlier CRAZY!!! You can start to pet them, but if you zig instead zag they will bite you. If you pet them too long, they will bite you. If you don’t pet them long enough, they will bite you. If you do everything exactly correct, yeah, you guessed they will still probably bite you. Yeah.
Sooo basically, slowly inch your hand closer and closer to said beast. If it doesn't bite you, keep going. Once you are within reach, pause a brief second to ensure the beast isn't about to attack. If the coast is clear, proceed with caution to pet the cat as long as the cat will tolerate your existence.
Random thought: Did you know that when a butterfly lands on you, it isn’t because you are sweet or mistook you for a flower? It’s because they want to EAT you. Yup, even butterflies are crazy and want to bite you. Their mouths are just so small that we don’t feel it. Look it up. The internet told me, so you know it’s true. (bit of sarcasm, but seriously look it up). Moving on.
Anywho, where were we? Oh yeah, risking our lives and limbs to attempt to pet that crazy mini-beast that’s living in our home like a pampered guest. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE cats and most animals. Back many moons ago, when I was a youngen’, I had a cat that would sleep with me at night. Not beside me or at my feet, mind you, this cat had to sleep right above my head. Yup, If I scooted my head up on my pillow that cat gave me a good reminder that it was there, lol. That was until one morning, as I was getting up to get ready for school, that cat went and peed all over my head. I guess it didn’t want to move to allow me to get up. Uggg, that was the last time, that cat slept with me.
Oh joy oh joy. Do you think can cats read your mind? I have a cat in my office with me (haha, It’s the cat's space not mine, I'm just delusional. lol.) and it just raised it head and gave me a weird look as I was typing about how my old cat peed on my head….hummm. Well then, you cat there, will NOT, do you hear my mind, will NOT pee on my head. Ugg, she already peed on my shoes the other day because she was mad. Lovely. Yet I'm her master, Bah Humbug I say.
I don’t know why, but it seems like I get very vocal cats. I do realize not all cats are like that. The one I have now (Sophie) must think I understand cat language because boy, let me tell ya, she lets me have it. Probably a good thing I don’t understand her. If her food bowl doesn’t have a precise type or amount of food in it that she likes, she will look at me and break out into a string of meow, and mues and a few other variations for a quite awhile. Sophie is a DIVA if there ever was one. I don’t know what I’d do without them, though. They make life well let’s say interesting, lol. Although, I wouldn’t have to clean up after them but, then I wouldn't be entertained by their craziness either. Dilemma dilemma. Does that make me crazy for enjoying their crazy? Hum, probably so, probably so, oh well. Life's too boring to be sane all the time anyway.
I hear people say they are a dog person or a cat person. Can’t we be both? I love dogs as well. Maybe a post for another day. They’re the best companion and so lovable. Cats are more loners, but when they do love you, they will take care of you as well in their own way. I love them both. What about you?
God made us all. Genesis 1:1-31
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